thinkbrit

She has been “leaking” cerebro-spinal fluid from her nose for a disconcertingly long time (a few months), and is going in tomorrow to get it repaired.

Apparently this is very rare, and they’re not entirely sure where the “leak” in her brain is, exactly. Any and all prayers or good thoughts sent my mom’s way would be greatly appreciated. 

Here we go.

I am terrible at being accountable to myself when it comes to fitness. Horrible. I am also terrible at being accountable to other people who aren’t working out with me- or even people who will/are.

So I just sent in an inquiry to a gym in the area about their personal training/weight loss program. Running isn’t for me. It’s not for everyone. I worked with a trainer a few years ago and LOVED it. Money is a little tight, but I think I could squeeze it.

I just really, really need to lose this weight, and it’s a pretty significant amount. I saw some pictures of myself from our portfolio showcase today, and I cringed. I am not comfortable in my body at all these days. I want to feel healthy and comfortable in my body again, and I need someone to keep me accountable and involved. A trainer is the only way I’ve effectively figured out how to do that. Set times with someone who will berate me if I do not show, and will push me and not let me slide.

So, here goes.

He’s cute, and I would guess around my age?

Huh.

I want to post it here, but I won’t.

I don’t know when it happened, but I got more mature.

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This is a great way to start Tuesday.

I need advice. I kind of want to throw up, and I definitely don’t want to go to school.

But then someone called.

And now I’m confused.

Yeah, I still hate running. And I almost ate it about 4 minutes in because of some black ice. And I need to choose a different trail.

But I did it, and I finished it, and I feel great. It was so nice to get outside and have time to myself. You’d think I’d get plenty of it, living by myself, but this kind of time is different.

So glad. Also, my sister, best friend, and bff’s husband said they would all do the Color Run with me in May. Thanks for all your support and encouragement, you guys. It means the world to me!

Like, a lot.

Last night’s date was fine. It was not bad, and it was actually kind of nice. He talked a lot. It was not unpleasant, but I didn’t feel a spark. He said he’d call and we might go out again, but I’m not sure I want to.

He texted me today, and honestly, I was more like, “Oh boy. Hm. Do I want to engage?” Than “Oh yay! That boy I went out with texted me!”

That’s probably a good indicator that I don’t really feel it with him, huh? Ah, well.

I’m tired and still don’t feel well and am debating going to bed at 7 versus staying up to watch the new Top Chef: Texas.

Bed might win.

Also, the ex-not-boyfriend called last night. I wish… I’m not sure what I wish. I guess I wish things there weren’t so fraught and muddled. And I wish I could move on more easily. It’s hard to let go of history and strangely intense and unique connections.

Anyway.

Bed or Top Chef?

Just found out my dad’s in the hospital with a severe intestinal infection. Whatever you do (good thoughts, prayers, whatever), can you please take a minute to think them for my dad? I don’t have many details yet, but I will keep people posted.

Thank you.

I think I’ve hit my stress point because I am now crying hysterically.

Time for bed, Britt. Time for bed.

Or ex-not-boyfriend.

The thing is that I do want to be friends.

But he has a knack for calling when I’m just not quite in the right headspace to talk to him and it seemed as if he was aiming for seeing each other. He still has my Boggle (because for a while I was practically living with him and his family) and I had asked a mutual friend to pick it up for me. He wouldn’t give it to her and told me if I wanted it, I could come get it but he loves to play it and “misses playing it with me.”

GRAWR.