I started writing in it when I was still in high school, and continued right through to my senior year of college, when I started this tumblr.
I was so sad. I was so sad and I hated myself.
I was incredibly unkind to myself. I called myself lazy and fat and depressed (and I was depressed).
I have entries about how my sister tried to kill herself, how my boyfriend’s brother tried to kill himself the same week… I wrote about a dream I had about being on sister-watch (it happened for a while after she tried to kill herself the… second time?) and how I dreamed that she tried to kill herself on my watch.
I want to go back in time and just hug myself. Reassure myself that things will turn out okay. On the one hand, I’m glad it’s still there so I can see how far I’ve come. On the other hand, it’s so incredibly sad.